Tristan Curtis Foster (May 4, 2008)

Tristan Curtis Foster was born at 12:10 a.m., Sunday, May 4, 2008. He was 23 weeks and 0 days old. He lived until 1:38 a.m.

His birth was filled with much pain, sorrow and beauty. His death was filled with peace, heartache and loss. Both events have forever impacted our lives, and although we are in the midst of much emotional suffering, we also feel joy, gratitude, and love for our first child.

Our journey began last Thursday with a trip to the doctor's office, prompted by some unexpected and abrupt complications. A physical exam told us that while I was still carrying a healthy child, my cervix had dilated to 3 cm. and there was only the membrane of the sack between Tristan and the world. I was in the midst of premature labor. I was put on immediate bed-rest with the plan to enter the hospital if we made it to 24 weeks, where I would receive medications to try and stop the contractions so that Tristan might grow a little longer. We were told to prepare to lose him.

Saturday afternoon, I entered full labor. At the hospital, they found I was fully dilated, although the sack had not ruptured. We were faced with finalizing the decision we had already made to not revive Tristan when he was born, as the odds given by the doctor of survival were slim and the odds of having a child without severe morbidity (physical and mental disability) were even larger. We chose to let Tristan pass, as neither of us could expect our son to suffer now or later, should he beat the odds and live.

At 12:10 a.m., he was born with the sack fully in-tact. He did not struggle, cry or breathe, but a very slow detectable heart rhythm gave our son life for an hour and a half. We held him and said our goodbyes. He received a cap, dressing gown and outfit from a hospital ministry called Threads of Love, and we have beautiful photographs of him to treasure. Even though he was unable to survive outside the womb, he already showed some of our physical characteristics. He had my chin and Jeremy's nose. Had he been a few weeks older and lived, he would have been a beautiful child.

We held a memorial service on Tuesday afternoon for him, and finally began to really feel the peace of our decision and the hope that our new knowledge gave us. We have been surrounded by love from friends, family and strangers, all of whom have touched us in different ways. While we still have a long way to go, we are stronger now and will celebrate two bittersweet years of marriage next month.

Our peace in the incredible decision we faced to allow our son to die naturally came in the research found later in our return from the hospital. In an in-depth study Jeremy found on babies born during the 23 week (which I will post later once I have the link), out of twelve babies born at 0-2 days no child survived past 5 days. At 3-4 days, 4 of 10 survived to make it home after 150 days in the hospital. At 5-6 days, 7 of 11 survived to make it home. All children who survived (there were still a few recorded losses after making it home) were faced with severe morbidity, including cerebral palsy, blindness, and severe mental retardation. Many children suffered multiple conditions, both mental and physical.

Our hope in the knowledge his birth has brought lies in the fact that our desire for biological children has not been lost. Our loss was caused by an incompetence of the cervix, which will be stitched closed during our next pregnancy. There will probably be a lot of bed-rest and medications associated with our next attempt, and we will probably still end up with a premature birth. Tristan's birth was accomplished with one large push, and left no physical scars or tearing, and should not affect my ability to have natural childbirth.

We are incredibly grateful to all who have prayed for us and supported us through these dark hours. Thank you.

Half-Way There

So, there is a lot I need to catch up on in our little piece of the web, as we have both been super busy for the past couple of months.

We'll start with pictures from our 20-week ultrasound and news that our first child will be a BOY!!!

Our adventure starts with pictures of his face, which as you can see isn't flattering with the deep scanning capacity of today's technology.





Definitely his father's son, our little guy was fairly uncooperative at first, comfortable in his snug, fluid-filled world, but the technician was finally able to get him to turn around. This gave us a beautiful profile shot.





We examined and measured his head, going down slice by slice through his brain and spine. We measured his arms and legs, and then it was time to peek between his legs. We found some obvious signs that our little guy is a guy.



I am quickly becoming a duplex, and will upload photos as evidence when I get another crack at a camera or scanner. Watching my belly grow and stretch at this point is slow and itchy work. I have days when I we are obviously really growing, because I sleep more and spend every waking moment starved.

The best part of all of these long doctors visits (mostly spent waiting to see the doctor) is that I know my little guy is growing healthy and at the expected rate.


On the work front, I am finally starting to catch up with the load created from almost two weeks of morning sickness. The real challenge will be to get through the big projects before I pop.

I have had my first official client under my new company, Scribe Graphic Design. This afforded us the treat of new matching recliners, which will be delivered tomorrow in time for the next new episode of Lost. And, it will make up for any time I might lose during my maternity leave.

Well, that is the short version of what happened, and the hour is late. I will update more later. I am sure there are other stories and general opinions to throw out there.

Foster: the Next Generation

Yep, it's now thrice-over official -- We're gonna be parents!

To catch everyone up, we had our first news on Christmas Eve with the home digital pregnancy test. Shocked by the result, I came downstairs, and told Jeremy that he could open one of his presents early. I told him I was pregnant and showed him the test. I think his first words were, "What? Really?" We had only been sort of trying for a couple of months. We flipped out together, and called all of the parents and siblings.

Almost a month later, our second trip to the doctor was to confirm our due date with an ultrasound. At seven and a half weeks, our little baby looked a bit like a fish, although Jeremy dearly referred to it as our Third Stage Guild Navigator. (For those of you who don't get that reference, do a web search for Dune, Frank Herbert and David Lynch.)

I've included a picture here, labeled per the nurse's directions for your own opinions.


Today, we listened to the baby's heartbeat, which was strong and fast. Everyone is healthy and well, and my vicious case of morning sickness has started to finally leave.

We expect our new arrival near the end of August -- Labor Day weekend (ha, ha). Thanks to everyone who has been praying for us during this time. We will keep you updated as things progress, including pictures of my little growing basketball-belly.