Tristan Curtis Foster was born at 12:10 a.m., Sunday, May 4, 2008. He was 23 weeks and 0 days old. He lived until 1:38 a.m.
His birth was filled with much pain, sorrow and beauty. His death was filled with peace, heartache and loss. Both events have forever impacted our lives, and although we are in the midst of much emotional suffering, we also feel joy, gratitude, and love for our first child.
Our journey began last Thursday with a trip to the doctor's office, prompted by some unexpected and abrupt complications. A physical exam told us that while I was still carrying a healthy child, my cervix had dilated to 3 cm. and there was only the membrane of the sack between Tristan and the world. I was in the midst of premature labor. I was put on immediate bed-rest with the plan to enter the hospital if we made it to 24 weeks, where I would receive medications to try and stop the contractions so that Tristan might grow a little longer. We were told to prepare to lose him.
Saturday afternoon, I entered full labor. At the hospital, they found I was fully dilated, although the sack had not ruptured. We were faced with finalizing the decision we had already made to not revive Tristan when he was born, as the odds given by the doctor of survival were slim and the odds of having a child without severe morbidity (physical and mental disability) were even larger. We chose to let Tristan pass, as neither of us could expect our son to suffer now or later, should he beat the odds and live.
At 12:10 a.m., he was born with the sack fully in-tact. He did not struggle, cry or breathe, but a very slow detectable heart rhythm gave our son life for an hour and a half. We held him and said our goodbyes. He received a cap, dressing gown and outfit from a hospital ministry called Threads of Love, and we have beautiful photographs of him to treasure. Even though he was unable to survive outside the womb, he already showed some of our physical characteristics. He had my chin and Jeremy's nose. Had he been a few weeks older and lived, he would have been a beautiful child.
We held a memorial service on Tuesday afternoon for him, and finally began to really feel the peace of our decision and the hope that our new knowledge gave us. We have been surrounded by love from friends, family and strangers, all of whom have touched us in different ways. While we still have a long way to go, we are stronger now and will celebrate two bittersweet years of marriage next month.
Our peace in the incredible decision we faced to allow our son to die naturally came in the research found later in our return from the hospital. In an in-depth study Jeremy found on babies born during the 23 week (which I will post later once I have the link), out of twelve babies born at 0-2 days no child survived past 5 days. At 3-4 days, 4 of 10 survived to make it home after 150 days in the hospital. At 5-6 days, 7 of 11 survived to make it home. All children who survived (there were still a few recorded losses after making it home) were faced with severe morbidity, including cerebral palsy, blindness, and severe mental retardation. Many children suffered multiple conditions, both mental and physical.
Our hope in the knowledge his birth has brought lies in the fact that our desire for biological children has not been lost. Our loss was caused by an incompetence of the cervix, which will be stitched closed during our next pregnancy. There will probably be a lot of bed-rest and medications associated with our next attempt, and we will probably still end up with a premature birth. Tristan's birth was accomplished with one large push, and left no physical scars or tearing, and should not affect my ability to have natural childbirth.
We are incredibly grateful to all who have prayed for us and supported us through these dark hours. Thank you.
Friday, May 9, 2008
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
Half-Way There
So, there is a lot I need to catch up on in our little piece of the web, as we have both been super busy for the past couple of months.
We'll start with pictures from our 20-week ultrasound and news that our first child will be a BOY!!!
Our adventure starts with pictures of his face, which as you can see isn't flattering with the deep scanning capacity of today's technology.
Definitely his father's son, our little guy was fairly uncooperative at first, comfortable in his snug, fluid-filled world, but the technician was finally able to get him to turn around. This gave us a beautiful profile shot.
We examined and measured his head, going down slice by slice through his brain and spine. We measured his arms and legs, and then it was time to peek between his legs. We found some obvious signs that our little guy is a guy.
I am quickly becoming a duplex, and will upload photos as evidence when I get another crack at a camera or scanner. Watching my belly grow and stretch at this point is slow and itchy work. I have days when I we are obviously really growing, because I sleep more and spend every waking moment starved.
The best part of all of these long doctors visits (mostly spent waiting to see the doctor) is that I know my little guy is growing healthy and at the expected rate.
On the work front, I am finally starting to catch up with the load created from almost two weeks of morning sickness. The real challenge will be to get through the big projects before I pop.
I have had my first official client under my new company, Scribe Graphic Design. This afforded us the treat of new matching recliners, which will be delivered tomorrow in time for the next new episode of Lost. And, it will make up for any time I might lose during my maternity leave.
Well, that is the short version of what happened, and the hour is late. I will update more later. I am sure there are other stories and general opinions to throw out there.
We'll start with pictures from our 20-week ultrasound and news that our first child will be a BOY!!!
Our adventure starts with pictures of his face, which as you can see isn't flattering with the deep scanning capacity of today's technology.
Definitely his father's son, our little guy was fairly uncooperative at first, comfortable in his snug, fluid-filled world, but the technician was finally able to get him to turn around. This gave us a beautiful profile shot.
We examined and measured his head, going down slice by slice through his brain and spine. We measured his arms and legs, and then it was time to peek between his legs. We found some obvious signs that our little guy is a guy.
I am quickly becoming a duplex, and will upload photos as evidence when I get another crack at a camera or scanner. Watching my belly grow and stretch at this point is slow and itchy work. I have days when I we are obviously really growing, because I sleep more and spend every waking moment starved.
The best part of all of these long doctors visits (mostly spent waiting to see the doctor) is that I know my little guy is growing healthy and at the expected rate.
On the work front, I am finally starting to catch up with the load created from almost two weeks of morning sickness. The real challenge will be to get through the big projects before I pop.
I have had my first official client under my new company, Scribe Graphic Design. This afforded us the treat of new matching recliners, which will be delivered tomorrow in time for the next new episode of Lost. And, it will make up for any time I might lose during my maternity leave.
Well, that is the short version of what happened, and the hour is late. I will update more later. I am sure there are other stories and general opinions to throw out there.
Thursday, February 14, 2008
Foster: the Next Generation
Yep, it's now thrice-over official -- We're gonna be parents!
To catch everyone up, we had our first news on Christmas Eve with the home digital pregnancy test. Shocked by the result, I came downstairs, and told Jeremy that he could open one of his presents early. I told him I was pregnant and showed him the test. I think his first words were, "What? Really?" We had only been sort of trying for a couple of months. We flipped out together, and called all of the parents and siblings.
Almost a month later, our second trip to the doctor was to confirm our due date with an ultrasound. At seven and a half weeks, our little baby looked a bit like a fish, although Jeremy dearly referred to it as our Third Stage Guild Navigator. (For those of you who don't get that reference, do a web search for Dune, Frank Herbert and David Lynch.)
I've included a picture here, labeled per the nurse's directions for your own opinions.
Today, we listened to the baby's heartbeat, which was strong and fast. Everyone is healthy and well, and my vicious case of morning sickness has started to finally leave.
We expect our new arrival near the end of August -- Labor Day weekend (ha, ha). Thanks to everyone who has been praying for us during this time. We will keep you updated as things progress, including pictures of my little growing basketball-belly.
To catch everyone up, we had our first news on Christmas Eve with the home digital pregnancy test. Shocked by the result, I came downstairs, and told Jeremy that he could open one of his presents early. I told him I was pregnant and showed him the test. I think his first words were, "What? Really?" We had only been sort of trying for a couple of months. We flipped out together, and called all of the parents and siblings.
Almost a month later, our second trip to the doctor was to confirm our due date with an ultrasound. At seven and a half weeks, our little baby looked a bit like a fish, although Jeremy dearly referred to it as our Third Stage Guild Navigator. (For those of you who don't get that reference, do a web search for Dune, Frank Herbert and David Lynch.)
I've included a picture here, labeled per the nurse's directions for your own opinions.
Today, we listened to the baby's heartbeat, which was strong and fast. Everyone is healthy and well, and my vicious case of morning sickness has started to finally leave.
We expect our new arrival near the end of August -- Labor Day weekend (ha, ha). Thanks to everyone who has been praying for us during this time. We will keep you updated as things progress, including pictures of my little growing basketball-belly.
Thursday, December 27, 2007
A Good Christmas
So, we knew it would happen one day… this was the first Christmas spent here in Austin (sort of).
Jeremy was hired full-time for a similar position with the company that hired him for contract work in July. He still works out of the house two or three days a week, and commutes to San Antonio when necessary. The job is great for him in many ways, from allowing him to use his strengths in a company with plenty of room for him to grow and accomplish much to great benefits that will allow us to accomplish our goals for the next year. Plus, the income will allow us to enjoy security, paying off cars and houses, and building up our nest-egg, while still living comfortably.
I did pretty well this year with my gift list. Jeremy received the complete Babylon 5 series on DVD and the complete Sandman--Neil Gaiman's classic graphic novel. It sounds so far that everyone else on our list was quite happy, including our cousins' kids. The middle kid, who currently has an obsession with puppies, received a giant soft stuffed one, just about twice his size. He was very insistent that no one else could touch it, including time to haul it downstairs to bed, although the steps are somewhat hazardous and again, the puppy was twice his size. We found a pup tent for the oldest, who loves to build forts out of couch cushions. It was hard to pull him out at bedtime, but who knows how long the cushions will remain untouched.
In the past year, I had crocheted baby blankets for several of our friends and family members. I thought it was time to step up and try knitting, which I had "tried" once when I was younger, but found it too complicated. Now that I have a little more determination, I have not only taken to it well, but have developed a new obsession. Naturally, I received a lot of knitting stuff from Jeremy and my mom, who really is responsible for my genetic pre-disposition toward crafting. I also received a cute jewelry box that plays our song, "Moon River" by Henry Mancini. I shall use it to place my rings in at the kitchen while kneading bread and other squishing stuff that gets caught in the small space between the set.
But, my fun present was Guitar Hero III for the Xbox 360. It was a little frustrating at first, but I found it is actually easier to practice on either the next slowest or full speeds. It seems like almost too much at first, but then you get the hang of it and three or four hours go by.
I had better get back to the grind. At least by now, some of the businesses I need to work with in the next time zone will be open.
Jeremy was hired full-time for a similar position with the company that hired him for contract work in July. He still works out of the house two or three days a week, and commutes to San Antonio when necessary. The job is great for him in many ways, from allowing him to use his strengths in a company with plenty of room for him to grow and accomplish much to great benefits that will allow us to accomplish our goals for the next year. Plus, the income will allow us to enjoy security, paying off cars and houses, and building up our nest-egg, while still living comfortably.
I did pretty well this year with my gift list. Jeremy received the complete Babylon 5 series on DVD and the complete Sandman--Neil Gaiman's classic graphic novel. It sounds so far that everyone else on our list was quite happy, including our cousins' kids. The middle kid, who currently has an obsession with puppies, received a giant soft stuffed one, just about twice his size. He was very insistent that no one else could touch it, including time to haul it downstairs to bed, although the steps are somewhat hazardous and again, the puppy was twice his size. We found a pup tent for the oldest, who loves to build forts out of couch cushions. It was hard to pull him out at bedtime, but who knows how long the cushions will remain untouched.
In the past year, I had crocheted baby blankets for several of our friends and family members. I thought it was time to step up and try knitting, which I had "tried" once when I was younger, but found it too complicated. Now that I have a little more determination, I have not only taken to it well, but have developed a new obsession. Naturally, I received a lot of knitting stuff from Jeremy and my mom, who really is responsible for my genetic pre-disposition toward crafting. I also received a cute jewelry box that plays our song, "Moon River" by Henry Mancini. I shall use it to place my rings in at the kitchen while kneading bread and other squishing stuff that gets caught in the small space between the set.
But, my fun present was Guitar Hero III for the Xbox 360. It was a little frustrating at first, but I found it is actually easier to practice on either the next slowest or full speeds. It seems like almost too much at first, but then you get the hang of it and three or four hours go by.
I had better get back to the grind. At least by now, some of the businesses I need to work with in the next time zone will be open.
Tuesday, December 4, 2007
This is a test to see if pasting into the Blogger post window from an external document causes the same problems my editor has…
Here is some text from a Word document.
From an MSN page: In response to Entertainment Weekly naming the smartest celebrities in Hollywood, The New York Daily News has proclaimed Lindsay Lohan the dumbest.
From an email I received this week:
This year's runaway First Place Stella Award winner was Mrs. Merv Grazinsk of Oklahoma City, Oklahoma, who purchased a new 32-foot Winnebago motor home. On her first trip home, from an OU football game, having driven on to the freeway, she set the cruise control at 70 mph and calmly left the driver’s seat to go to the back of the Winnebago to make herself a
sandwich. Not surprisingly, the motor home left the freeway, crashed and overturned. Also not surprisingly, Mrs. Grazinski sued Winnebago for not putting in the owner’s manual that she couldn't actually leave the driver’s seat while the cruise control was set. The Oklahoma jury awarded her, are you sitting down, $1,750,000 PLUS a new motor home.
Winnebago actually changed their manuals as a result of this suit, just incase Mrs. Grazinski has any relatives who might also buy a motor home.
Hmm…can't quite figure out what the problem is here. Sounds like it is going to be a long day. I had better get to it.
Here is some text from a Word document.
From an MSN page: In response to Entertainment Weekly naming the smartest celebrities in Hollywood, The New York Daily News has proclaimed Lindsay Lohan the dumbest.
From an email I received this week:
This year's runaway First Place Stella Award winner was Mrs. Merv Grazinsk of Oklahoma City, Oklahoma, who purchased a new 32-foot Winnebago motor home. On her first trip home, from an OU football game, having driven on to the freeway, she set the cruise control at 70 mph and calmly left the driver’s seat to go to the back of the Winnebago to make herself a
sandwich. Not surprisingly, the motor home left the freeway, crashed and overturned. Also not surprisingly, Mrs. Grazinski sued Winnebago for not putting in the owner’s manual that she couldn't actually leave the driver’s seat while the cruise control was set. The Oklahoma jury awarded her, are you sitting down, $1,750,000 PLUS a new motor home.
Winnebago actually changed their manuals as a result of this suit, just incase Mrs. Grazinski has any relatives who might also buy a motor home.
Hmm…can't quite figure out what the problem is here. Sounds like it is going to be a long day. I had better get to it.
Tuesday, October 9, 2007
Puppyhood
So, we have both been very busy over the past few months. I will try to catch up quickly before my laptop battery dies.
Our GenCon vacation to Indianapolis was great. We played some fun board games. Jeremy did okay in the two tournaments he played. We both get to play some PnP. All in all, a great vacation.
Now that we are equipped with a digital camera, I am posting some updated photos of our 'little guy,' who is growing more everyday. You can find them at our new photo album.
We have otherwise been busy with work and everyday life. We have visitors this weekend, and a Newsboys concert coming up in the next few weeks. Before we know it, the holidays and 2008 will be here.
More later.
Our GenCon vacation to Indianapolis was great. We played some fun board games. Jeremy did okay in the two tournaments he played. We both get to play some PnP. All in all, a great vacation.
Now that we are equipped with a digital camera, I am posting some updated photos of our 'little guy,' who is growing more everyday. You can find them at our new photo album.
We have otherwise been busy with work and everyday life. We have visitors this weekend, and a Newsboys concert coming up in the next few weeks. Before we know it, the holidays and 2008 will be here.
More later.
Thursday, July 19, 2007
Help Me, Mommie -- I tasted nail polish and the cat beat me up!
So, the two furry kids have started to play together. At least Indy thinks they are playing. The cat, however, is not amused and has chased him up and down the house repeatedly for the past couple of days. At first it was just an angry response to his curiosity about this strange other animal who poops in a box in the laundry room. Jeremy and I spent countless hours separating them, encouraging good play, etc. Now, we have the worst time trying to contain our laughter as the now smaller gray fuzz pursuits the golden menace around the living room, under the dining room table, and back around again, then as he runs behind one of us, as though we are to protect him from his puppy sensibilities.
In other news, we are ready for four days of geek heaven in Indianapolis at the 40th anniversary of GENCON. Jeremy has been practising, building and rebuilding his warband to take on the challenge of the 200-point D&D Miniatures tournament. I am researching the catalogue to see what I can hopefully get into, as we missed registration by a day or two. Either way, there is always plenty to do at these functions, even for those not playing Magic.
A quick look at the clock reminds me that it is time for a walk with Mr. Poo. Bye for now.
In other news, we are ready for four days of geek heaven in Indianapolis at the 40th anniversary of GENCON. Jeremy has been practising, building and rebuilding his warband to take on the challenge of the 200-point D&D Miniatures tournament. I am researching the catalogue to see what I can hopefully get into, as we missed registration by a day or two. Either way, there is always plenty to do at these functions, even for those not playing Magic.
A quick look at the clock reminds me that it is time for a walk with Mr. Poo. Bye for now.
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